Just one little thing

Aye aye. Nope. Not doing fine if you're wondering. Why? This week had probably been the worst week ever. Stress piling from day to day. I just want to spill everything to mom, to my friends but i don't know. I feel like they're not gonna think it's important and just brush it off with a 'That's a normal thing' advice. Okay. I understand. It's normal but can't you treat my case like it's important to you? I feel so pathetic and pitiful every time you guys give that kind of advice. I have a really hard time coping with my science subjects that I feel like crying in class every time. Everyone be merrily doing their work in tutorial class while I'm just like a fish out of water trying to get back in the water but I'm already too far to get back in. Sure my friends always said that they're not any good at the subject. At least you guys had a gist of it. At least you guys seem like you know what you're doing. I don't even know what to do. I don't even know what part of the book I should refer too. Do you understand me? I really don't understand a thing. I'm trying too, slowly. But with my Chemistry teacher constant pop quizzes it gets hard to cope with it. I feel pressured. I feel like an idiot in there. I hate myself for that. I know, that my lazy self get myself like this. I hate that too. I hate that part of me. Why can't I be like my sister? Why can't I be hard working like her? Recently, I choreograph an aerobic routine for my club. It was a must to enter that aerobic competition so that we could earn marks. Like any responsible person. I did but was utterly disappointed when people won't even come to practice. We perform next week and we haven't done our third routine. Why? Because we have to teach the absent people the steps so it slows our progress. One person in that club came to every practice but she doesn't remember the steps well. I put you up front cause I expected you to do good and also because you are one of our leaders. And thus another thing frustrates me till no end. She doesn't even do it properly. She trying to look frail whilst doing it. Are you effin shitting kidding me. We are doing a freakin aerobic routine not a ballet recital! She always whines while practising or sometimes just walks out of the formation cause she's thirsty or cause of something that totally frustrates me. Last night, my friends(two of em) wanted to attend the assembly for this morning. So, like any normal person. I woke up early in the morning, took a bath, get dressed and waited for them. But what do I get? A disappointment,yet another frustration. One of them just got up at 7.35 AM(The assembly started at 7.30 AM). The other one didn't reply me, probably still sleeping. Apparently, another friend of mine(not the two above) she was waiting for our call so we all decided (the four of us) to go to the science carnival at 10 AM. And again, like any normal person, I woke up at a certain time(I overslept but at least I'm bathe and all). Went to meet my friend but the other two still haven't got dress yet.The other one didn't even bathed yet even. So much frustration. We decided to do a revenge. We didn't reply or pick up any of their texts or calls. I admit I do feel a bit guilty but I was beyond frustrated that I just decided to do that. After walking around the carnival, the guiltiness kept on piling. I hate it. For me, I think they(one of them actually) deserve it because this didn't occur once. Many times actually. If she didn't feel like going to a class or something, she bailed on me after making the both of us excited at the thought of going. I feel betrayed,yet I still feel guilty for doing that even know whilst writing this. I hate people who bailed on me. I feel like I'm too nice to people. Just know, out of guilty. I replied her but she only read it. As if doing revenge by doing the exact thing that I did to her. Now that makes me feel even guiltier and you know what. I hate that. What is even wrong with me? I went home after the carnival and was excited cause what else is there to comfort me of not for my family. I went in dad's car all excited, Told him a gist of what's happening to me this week but he didn't even seem like he care. He was all talk with my little brother but was as if having this 'I don't care' aura when I talk to him. And you know what that was my breaking point. I spoke out loud enough so my dad will hear "Fine, I'm playing with my phone". It wasn't something to be mad about to be honest but because of that one little thing made it possible to unleash everything that frustrates me this week. I was from cheery and happy to go home to "I'm not speaking to you and I'm just gonna frown all day" mood. I'm ending this before this gets any longer. It's 10.17 PM now. Toodles.